Scared as all fuck

Made plans with goddessgoddess to go to the ER this afternoon. But I'm really afraid. If they keep me there, I won't have my cats or internet access, which are my main emotional supports. Being suicidal and agoraphobic makes it really hard to seek medical help even when you've been wheezing and coughing up gunk for about a week and a half.

If I don't back out, I'll try to tweet what's going on. I'm @atalantapendrag on Twitter.

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Made it to the mailbox & back without having to stop to rest. I'm breathing easier too. I'm really thinking of backing out of going to the hospital...

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Yeah, so I decided against the hospital. I'm feeling markedly better (breathing better, not feeling feverish, not nearly as weak), and the financial (my SSDI is $30/month too much for me to qualify for Medicaid) and emotional stresses are more than I can handle. I got some tasty, nourishing solid food delivered, and that's helped too. Also I am going to sleep a lot. I slept about 18 hours out of the last 24, and I think that has helped a lot.