(no subject)

[atalantapendrag]

i feel so bad right now

can't stop crying

really, really shouldn't be trying to read Alison Bechdel's Are You My Mother? right now

not sure if i should take my meds since i keep puking

and all sorts of miseries are being stirred up, stuff from months ago, stuff from decades ago

Comments

[sathari]

HUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUG.

Le me know if there is anything I can do!

[atalantapendrag]

I wish I knew something I could ask, TBH. Yesterday I got triggered hard on four different fronts and got physically ill to boot. I wrote a long post on LJ's note_to_cat about the most straightforward thing I was melting down over, but my Mommy Issues (triggered first by an advice column letter from a college student whose mom was trying to make her get a nose job - my mom railroaded me into two unneeded surgeries in my teens and tried to talk me into another when she visited - and then further by trying to read the new Alison Bechdel), Daddy Issues (who knew being given an expensive, thoughtful, and much-appreciated gift when all you'd asked was advice could be upsetting?), and Betrayal Issues (from a friend I cared deeply about who turned on me when I was already deep in crisis... this was December and it still hurts as bad as fresh and I don't know what to do) were a bit too complicated. And I'm still not able to keep anything down, right now I'm fighting to hold on to ginger ale :(

[sathari]

Those are major hits.

Your mother and her colonizing of your body... NO. JUST NO.

Having your dad suddenly decide to be a dad and do dad things that should have been happening in some form all along--- yeah, that is gonna be upsetting.

Ugh, friend-fail. Always complicated. Not knowing details, that's... what I've got.

Do you have saltines available? Gnawing at them s-l-o-w-l-y, as in, a crumb at a time, it takes an hour or so to eat one cracker, is sometimes helpful for me when my stomach goes on strike.

*morehugs*

[atalantapendrag]

The friend-fail was... especially vicious, and there is a lot of information I don't have. But I don't think another person has hurt me so badly since my husband left me.

Given my ongoing worse-than-usual agoraphobia, my kitchen still isn't anything resembling stocked. I have almost nothing in the house to eat :(

[sathari]

Oh, ugh. That is... awful. And that much hurt does indeed take time to get over, especially with all the other stuff you've had on your plate.

Eurgh, that's incredibly rough.

[atalantapendrag]

Well, the good news is, I've kept down a small bowl of mashed potatoes, and my weird cryptic post about doing something brave last night? Was about a disjointed and weird email I sent my dad, asking if we could try and get a bit closer (and also including my stepmother and half-brother). It got a very good reaction and I am hopeful.