(no subject)

[atalantapendrag]

I am so tired of literally begging my caseworker and counselor for help in tears and being brushed off.

I am just... so tired

so tired of being alone

scared of how sick and weak I feel

tired of people expecting me to have resources I don't have access to

tired of people expecting me to be resilient when I am disintegrating and there is no one to help

tired of "you can do it!" when I am not managing and I have been struggling for years and it just gets worse

I need help and I have run out of energy trying to get it

Comments

[atalantapendrag]

*HUGS* I know... I don't mean to come off like I'm dismissing the care and support of my online friends. I'd be lost without you.

[subluxate]

You're not, at all. But being there physically would make such a difference in other ways.

[atalantapendrag]

I made it to the mailbox for the first time in a week today. It scares me how tiring it's gotten.

And Monday my counselor was like, "You know, depression can cause fatigue" like she was imparting big news. After ignoring my request that she read the essay on spoon theory.

I just want to be done.

[subluxate]

Maybe she should, you know, act to get you more help? If she's at all aware of how fatigued you've gotten? I mean. Just a thought.

Ugh, I'm so sorry you have this set of people as your team, I really am.

[atalantapendrag]

She doesn't seem to believe me when I say it has gotten a lot worse fairly quickly. She doesn't see me stagger the distance from the parking lot where the van drops me off to my front door, pausing to rest several times on the way. I don't know if she doesn't believe me or just doesn't want to take the time to try and do anything.

Hanging on best I can til the 19th. If this Dr's appt gets blown off I will.... fuck, I don't know.

[subluxate]

We'll all be here, as much as we can.

[subluxate]

I'm sure I'm being totally redundant and that you've heard of this group, but if you haven't and if you can gather the spoons to give them a call (which, I know, is asking a lot), they might be able to help.

[atalantapendrag]

Actually I have not! I might be able to get some help with the phone call part from a friend, thank you so much for the link!

[subluxate]

You're very welcome! I really hope they can help.

[atalantapendrag]

Right now their site is confusing me - so mandy pdfs!

[subluxate]

Do you want me to look more thoroughly for you? I'm going to do some writing, but after I get that done, I'll see what I can do.

[atalantapendrag]

Right now I am not even sure what to look for, I am not thinking very clearly.

[subluxate]

Okay. After I write, I'll read the site more thoroughly and find anything that might be relevant to you, then write you a little synopsis of each link. Would that help you out?

[atalantapendrag]

*hug* that would be wonderful!

[subluxate]

Will do, then! It'll be either late tonight or sometime tomorrow that I get it to you, depending. (There's a challenge going on in my comm that's kinda Gotta Write 'Em All.)